Why is it so difficult for us to forgive others?
Why do we find it so hard to let go?
Sometimes, even years after a certain incident;
sometimes, even after they have apologised;
sometimes, when they have hurt you unknowingly
and have no idea that you are struggling to forgive them.
Why?
Because we are usually under the misconception
that we will be doing them a favor by forgiving them.
That in fact, is not the case.
When we forgive someone, we actually do ourselves huge favor because through forgiveness; we release all the negative thoughts, emotions and energies that we are so desperately holding onto in our anger. Replaying the moment again and again in our mind, torturing ourselves in so many ways. It hurts us more than them, when we don't forgive.
We find it hard to forgive because we think we are in the more powerful position when we hold back forgiveness. Actually we are the weak ones, if that's the kind of power we rely on to give us strength. We are also not able to forgive because we take everything so personally.
Not everything another person does is done with the concious intention of hurting you. Sometimes they are just trying to protect themselves and that's the best they know how to protect themselves. Haven't you heard of the saying 'The Best Defence is Offense'? We need to give allowance to others for their insecurities and their imperfections without taking things personally.
So even if you do it for the most selfish of reasons, go ahead and forgive.
First, forgive yourself for holding onto the grudge for as long as you did.
Then, forgive the other person.
Finally, be proud of yourself.
(source: taman2 syurga)
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Forgiveness in Islam: We need both Allah's and human forgiveness. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala is the most Forgiving of all. There are many names of Allah given in the Qur’an and some of these names are related to His mercy and forgiveness. For instance, Al-Ghafoor: The most Forgiving, Al-Tawwab: The Acceptor of repentance, Al-Haleem: The Clement, Al-'Afuw: The Pardoner, Ar-Rahman and ar-Rahim: The most Merciful and Compassionate.
"That is so. And whoever has retaliated with the like of that which he was made to suffer, and then has again been wronged, Allah will surely help him. Verily! Allah indeed is Oft-Pardoning, Oft-Forgiving." (Al-hajj, 22:60)
“The reward of the evil is the evil thereof, but whosoever forgives and makes amends, his reward is upon Allah.” (al-Shura, 42:40)
Here's a very beautiful hadith on forgiveness in Islam:
On the authority of Anas, who said: I heard the messenger of Allah say: Allah the Almighty has said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its.”
We need to remember that Allah only forgives His sincere servants who turn to Him in repentance. Allah will always help us insyaAllah.
On final note, do ponder on these few quotes related to forgiveness..
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." - Mahatma Gandhi
"To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness." - Robert Muller
"Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation." - Roberto Assagioli
"If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive." - Mother Theresa
